tickle me pink.

hello beauty queens.

{and kings}

so, remember how last year i took a leave of absence from school?

well, this year i've decided to take a leave of absence from life.

now you may be thinking,

'cecilia, that is simply impossible'

but to you i say:

it all depends on how generally you define the word life.

 because that life i was living a month doesn't belong to me anymore.

so i guess i'm taking a permanent leave of absence, and only traces of the past will join me in moving forward.

(i'm being vague because i'm kind of enjoying having fallen off the face of the earth, so to say, and i don't know if i'm ready to come back just yet)

so with all this change in scenery, i naturally am having a change in character as well.

the other day, someone asked me why i have such a strong desire to be unique.

her words were something like 'why can't you just accept your clichés?'

it's one of those things you never really consider, like the definition of the word curiosity.

 when i couldn't come up with a cohesive answer, i realized that she had a point.
what's important to remember is that cliché doesn't equal predictable.
and predictability is what i'm avoiding, simply because i don't want to bore myself.
but the predicament, you see, is that when you're worried about being too predictable, you end up premeditating everything and overwhelming yourself and becoming all too ironically...predictable.
so it all winds back down to that living in the now concept.
easier said than done, right?


so anyway, i was getting sick of my embarrassing "hello 2012" face and decided i had to post something new and this is what showed up on the screen.


if anyone would like to contact me i have a new email! it was time for a grown up one:
ceciliadmccollum@gmail.com
(don't miss the d in there)


i hope everyone's day is filled with love and vitality always.
xoxoxo

settle down.

"i tend to have an affinity towards things once familiar, now altered. when antiques see new incarnations, whether they become more modern, dark, slightly twisted….it is more than novel, at least for me. it’s my inner ballerina fighting with the want to not be a complete priss. i mean, i guess life isn’t just pink tutus and slicked backed buns?"

-dianna agron

i think i've found my kindred spirit. there's something about miss agron that's interested me from the start. when i came across her [website] i found out why. it's like she takes words from my mind and eloquently documents them for the world.

it goes right along with the ongoing list of contradictions that is life: wanting to be two different people.

 sometimes i find myself gravitating towards that hot pink pencil skirt, but other times it's the men's nightmare before christmas shirt. sometimes i'm dancing to my justin bieber singing toothbrush, but other times i'm refusing to pay $12 to go see yet another twilight...but you get the point. having gone to an all girls school, i'm not a huge fan of females, and i find this aversion to estrogen manifesting itself in my life when my few girl friends are out of town and i have to go shopping alone because all of my other friends are boys. i've asked one too many boys for outfit advice.

so, in comparison to all the males around me, i always end up feeling ridiculously girly. after all, i am the only one in a dress. but i must not be too prissy, or i'd never get along with them to begin with, right?

but i've also recently been immersing myself into 'the real world'.

you know, that one outside of la cañada?

i've found myself unsettled because i'm completely insecure about how i see myself in comparison to the rest of the world.

one day, i'm happy to be that girl who likes daisies and drives a red jetta.

but other days, i resent it, and gravitate more toward the darker parts of myself.

some days, i'm proud of the hardships i've faced and conquered, but other days, i wish i could hide them forever.

the conclusion i've come to is that i just need to settle down and accept that it's okay to tuck that jack skellington shirt into my skirt.
but more importantly, that outfit doesn't have to encompass my entire personality.
i'd hope i have more than just two angles.

it's hard to feel unique in this great big world. there are millions and billions of people out there who have this same battle with themselves every day. when i began to come into myself in high school and really think about things, i was always relieved to hear that i wasn't alone in whatever new thought i had on a given day. that's how best friends are formed.

but now, i have this nagging desire to be unique.

and it seems like it gets harder and harder every day.

but shouldn't it be the opposite when i'm the only one in the whole wide world who's seen everything i've seen, done everything i've done, and thought everything i've thought?

and then i realize that that cliché version of myself that i'm seeing is nothing but an image.

whether i'm the only one who stumbles across this image of cece from time to time, or it's countless people...

that's something that's completely out of my control.

my best advice for everyone is to remember that other people's actions are only reactions.

just as they have the power to control them, you have the power to control your own.

now go enjoy the last 11 days of 2011, lovebugs.

[photo credz].

hype.

originality.

dictionary.com says it is the ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.

a wikipedia user claims the concept of originality is culturally contigent.

tim hill reveals that ringo starr's "original" compositions often turned out to be subconscious copies of existing songs. (i still love you, ringo)

if you type in original on google, the first result (other than just plain original) that comes up is [original pancake house].

and the writer kahlil gibran believes that should we all confess our sins to one another we would laugh at one another for our lack of...

originality.

no matter where life goes, i never want to succumb to the temptation to create myself, when it's so much more beautiful to take the time to find myself.

on another note...

  (not the best but we tried. it's tradish after all.)

seattle is wonderful, but tacoma was even better this time.
[this] is for you, jac7k.

and los angeles is beautiful from above. seriously observe next time you fly over it.

ALSO, HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO PATRICK WARD.

and lastly,

GO LIONS.