settle down.

"i tend to have an affinity towards things once familiar, now altered. when antiques see new incarnations, whether they become more modern, dark, slightly twisted….it is more than novel, at least for me. it’s my inner ballerina fighting with the want to not be a complete priss. i mean, i guess life isn’t just pink tutus and slicked backed buns?"

-dianna agron

i think i've found my kindred spirit. there's something about miss agron that's interested me from the start. when i came across her [website] i found out why. it's like she takes words from my mind and eloquently documents them for the world.

it goes right along with the ongoing list of contradictions that is life: wanting to be two different people.

 sometimes i find myself gravitating towards that hot pink pencil skirt, but other times it's the men's nightmare before christmas shirt. sometimes i'm dancing to my justin bieber singing toothbrush, but other times i'm refusing to pay $12 to go see yet another twilight...but you get the point. having gone to an all girls school, i'm not a huge fan of females, and i find this aversion to estrogen manifesting itself in my life when my few girl friends are out of town and i have to go shopping alone because all of my other friends are boys. i've asked one too many boys for outfit advice.

so, in comparison to all the males around me, i always end up feeling ridiculously girly. after all, i am the only one in a dress. but i must not be too prissy, or i'd never get along with them to begin with, right?

but i've also recently been immersing myself into 'the real world'.

you know, that one outside of la cañada?

i've found myself unsettled because i'm completely insecure about how i see myself in comparison to the rest of the world.

one day, i'm happy to be that girl who likes daisies and drives a red jetta.

but other days, i resent it, and gravitate more toward the darker parts of myself.

some days, i'm proud of the hardships i've faced and conquered, but other days, i wish i could hide them forever.

the conclusion i've come to is that i just need to settle down and accept that it's okay to tuck that jack skellington shirt into my skirt.
but more importantly, that outfit doesn't have to encompass my entire personality.
i'd hope i have more than just two angles.

it's hard to feel unique in this great big world. there are millions and billions of people out there who have this same battle with themselves every day. when i began to come into myself in high school and really think about things, i was always relieved to hear that i wasn't alone in whatever new thought i had on a given day. that's how best friends are formed.

but now, i have this nagging desire to be unique.

and it seems like it gets harder and harder every day.

but shouldn't it be the opposite when i'm the only one in the whole wide world who's seen everything i've seen, done everything i've done, and thought everything i've thought?

and then i realize that that cliché version of myself that i'm seeing is nothing but an image.

whether i'm the only one who stumbles across this image of cece from time to time, or it's countless people...

that's something that's completely out of my control.

my best advice for everyone is to remember that other people's actions are only reactions.

just as they have the power to control them, you have the power to control your own.

now go enjoy the last 11 days of 2011, lovebugs.

[photo credz].

calling all lovebugs.

i'm in love with smiling this week, more than ever,

and these few things are only a part of what's causing it:

 {bills for $47.47 at table number 47}

{surrounding myself with absurd musicians}

{happy kittens}

{baby teixeira}

{overly-descriptive signs}

{sisters}

{walle bywater}

{mila kunis's beautiful oscar style}

[photo credz].

{spontaneous/hidden photoshoots}

{JOSH RITTER. everything about him. his concert was just as amazing as i'd hoped. in fact, it is my number one concert experience EVER. love you, j. ritt.}

the fact that mr. and mrs. facer are teaching me how to cook tonight. oh, how i love them!

also, the fact that i saw MARK SALLING at in-n-out last sunday. we had some fierce eye contact going down.

also also, the fact that it's shamrock shake season.

[this] video.

[l'espirit de l'escalier].

in addition to all of this, i even have music to keep my life company.

particularly these songs:

hello - martin solveig & dragonette

rolling in the deep (jamie xx remix) - adele

helena beat - foster the people

stitched up - herbie hancock & john mayer

gimme sympathy (acoustic) - metric

cubism dream - local natives

rise up - diane birch

white collar boy - belle and sebastian

crown on the ground - sleigh bells

neighborhood #1 (tunnels) - arcade fire

four winds - bright eyes

i hope everyone is enjoying their last day of february!

xoxo.

bubble toes.

well, i clearly have a lack of much to say lately. although i love christmas time more than normal this year, all the pictures have kind of been a cover up for a lack of ideas circulating through my mind. but in the past couple of days, it's like everything i'd been missing for the past month showed up at once and bombarded my mind. and now, i can't stop thinking to save my life. i started reading 'how to be lovely' last night (based on audrey hepburn, by melissa hellstern). i've honestly never cared too much for audrey - i couldn't even get through breakfast at tiffany's and that's about as far into her work as i've gone. but my grandma LOVED ms. hepburn. after she died and we were cleaning out her house, i literally found dozens of audrey hepburn books in her bookshelves. and they were so glamorous looking that i just had to take two. i mean, why not? and so i've finally decided to start my audrey education with 'how to be lovely'. and i must say, she did seem pretty lovely. there are countless quotes in that book talking about just how genuine of a person she was. she was respected by almost everyone she knew, and she stayed fabulous the whole time. i then realized how we all have this perpetual need to be better than we are...to be "lovely". have we ever considered the fact that we're lovely the way we are? and that our differences are what inspire each other to keep being lovely? i don't think that we're ever going to be satisfied with ourselves if we continue to try to be as lovely as audrey hepburn or as fabulous as marilyn monroe (speaking of which, i don't really understand her appeal, but i haven't read any books about her either). because guess what?

none of us are audrey or marilyn.

i think that maybe just maybe it's time to quit it with the self help books and work on becoming humble. it's hard to take a step away from yourself when you're too busy being overwhelmed with everything you're not. take note: the definition of humble is not only modest, but also respectful. and that means respectful to ourselves in loving what we are and being thankful for what we have. true appreciation is an aspect of humbleness that people forget, and a certain austin facer & jacob walters reminded me of it.

so, whatever you're doing today, whether it be studying for finals or just following the sun, don't forget to do it humbly.