settle down.

"i tend to have an affinity towards things once familiar, now altered. when antiques see new incarnations, whether they become more modern, dark, slightly twisted….it is more than novel, at least for me. it’s my inner ballerina fighting with the want to not be a complete priss. i mean, i guess life isn’t just pink tutus and slicked backed buns?"

-dianna agron

i think i've found my kindred spirit. there's something about miss agron that's interested me from the start. when i came across her [website] i found out why. it's like she takes words from my mind and eloquently documents them for the world.

it goes right along with the ongoing list of contradictions that is life: wanting to be two different people.

 sometimes i find myself gravitating towards that hot pink pencil skirt, but other times it's the men's nightmare before christmas shirt. sometimes i'm dancing to my justin bieber singing toothbrush, but other times i'm refusing to pay $12 to go see yet another twilight...but you get the point. having gone to an all girls school, i'm not a huge fan of females, and i find this aversion to estrogen manifesting itself in my life when my few girl friends are out of town and i have to go shopping alone because all of my other friends are boys. i've asked one too many boys for outfit advice.

so, in comparison to all the males around me, i always end up feeling ridiculously girly. after all, i am the only one in a dress. but i must not be too prissy, or i'd never get along with them to begin with, right?

but i've also recently been immersing myself into 'the real world'.

you know, that one outside of la cañada?

i've found myself unsettled because i'm completely insecure about how i see myself in comparison to the rest of the world.

one day, i'm happy to be that girl who likes daisies and drives a red jetta.

but other days, i resent it, and gravitate more toward the darker parts of myself.

some days, i'm proud of the hardships i've faced and conquered, but other days, i wish i could hide them forever.

the conclusion i've come to is that i just need to settle down and accept that it's okay to tuck that jack skellington shirt into my skirt.
but more importantly, that outfit doesn't have to encompass my entire personality.
i'd hope i have more than just two angles.

it's hard to feel unique in this great big world. there are millions and billions of people out there who have this same battle with themselves every day. when i began to come into myself in high school and really think about things, i was always relieved to hear that i wasn't alone in whatever new thought i had on a given day. that's how best friends are formed.

but now, i have this nagging desire to be unique.

and it seems like it gets harder and harder every day.

but shouldn't it be the opposite when i'm the only one in the whole wide world who's seen everything i've seen, done everything i've done, and thought everything i've thought?

and then i realize that that cliché version of myself that i'm seeing is nothing but an image.

whether i'm the only one who stumbles across this image of cece from time to time, or it's countless people...

that's something that's completely out of my control.

my best advice for everyone is to remember that other people's actions are only reactions.

just as they have the power to control them, you have the power to control your own.

now go enjoy the last 11 days of 2011, lovebugs.

[photo credz].

thoughts of the day.

1. recently means nothing without context.

2. there's something so intriguing about jewelry boxes. i think they might just be my favorites.

 don't you just wanna investigate in there?

3. i have a new obsession with going on etsy.com and searching for whatever i'm dreaming of. christmas presents...

4. into the wild is one of the most amazing movies i have ever seen. it blew me away.

5. does living life mean living the life you want? or is it only a matter of breathing and heart rate?

6. quote of the week-

jayma mays on how she feels before she's filmed:

"i get very nervous. i eat lots of toast before."

7. i have now come just about as close as one can to being attacked by a possum without physical contact.

8. first comes self-control, then trust, and finally, self-respect.

9. tomorrow may rain.

☮

[photo credz].

spray paint the vegetables.

my current loves in life:

1. options. there are so many of them, no matter where you're looking. currently, i'm looking for job options. for right now and the future. there may be a lack of jobs these days but when it comes to majors, the same problem doesn't apply. what to do?

2. discovery. my biggest obsession in life will ALWAYS be learning. but no one seems to be too excited to learn these days, since by association, the word has come to mean school to too many. we need to realize that learning is essentially discovery. when i hear discovery i think of a physical action, and this is so much more appealing to many. want to know what i discovered last week?

the white house wasn't white until the french war when half of it was burned down and it had to be whitewashed to disguise all the ash that had become a part of it.

3.  giving. i don't just mean giving food to the poor and volunteering for your church (not that that isn't always a good thing to do, of course). but giving in a simpler and more everyday sense can mean just taking less and appreciating more.

4. glee. i'm in love with puck. and finn. and sam. and dianna agron is simply beautiful. and the show is so fun. and it's a show about choir. and i can sing along to it. need i say more?

[photo credz].

5. [apostle of hustle]. i've always loved their song eazy speaks but i only recently discovered how good their national anthem of nowhere album is.

6. christmas. i'm currently wearing my $8 wal mart christmas nightgown (take note that i do not generally support shopping there, because of its [environmental issues], but i couldn't pass up this red nightgown. my apologies, mother earth), and the roomie christmas card will be coming soon. prepare yourselves.

7. [operation beautiful]. i've actually seen some of these little post its around school, and they really do make me smile.

8. ralph's brand mild salsa. enough said.

9. paige riley. thank you for being here for me, love. you must know i'm always here for JOU too!

10. tea. the perfect way to start or end your day. maybe some caffeinated green tea for the morning and some calm lavender for the night? sleepytime tea always upset my stomach.

there are many, many more but these 10 will have to suffice for today. i'm thinking of making these lists a weekly thing.

ta ta for now.

♫

it's time to make it official...

[and proud]

p.s. today was a big day. i'll have to explain why tomorrow.

xo.

[photo credz].