tickle me pink.

hello beauty queens.

{and kings}

so, remember how last year i took a leave of absence from school?

well, this year i've decided to take a leave of absence from life.

now you may be thinking,

'cecilia, that is simply impossible'

but to you i say:

it all depends on how generally you define the word life.

 because that life i was living a month doesn't belong to me anymore.

so i guess i'm taking a permanent leave of absence, and only traces of the past will join me in moving forward.

(i'm being vague because i'm kind of enjoying having fallen off the face of the earth, so to say, and i don't know if i'm ready to come back just yet)

so with all this change in scenery, i naturally am having a change in character as well.

the other day, someone asked me why i have such a strong desire to be unique.

her words were something like 'why can't you just accept your clichés?'

it's one of those things you never really consider, like the definition of the word curiosity.

 when i couldn't come up with a cohesive answer, i realized that she had a point.
what's important to remember is that cliché doesn't equal predictable.
and predictability is what i'm avoiding, simply because i don't want to bore myself.
but the predicament, you see, is that when you're worried about being too predictable, you end up premeditating everything and overwhelming yourself and becoming all too ironically...predictable.
so it all winds back down to that living in the now concept.
easier said than done, right?


so anyway, i was getting sick of my embarrassing "hello 2012" face and decided i had to post something new and this is what showed up on the screen.


if anyone would like to contact me i have a new email! it was time for a grown up one:
ceciliadmccollum@gmail.com
(don't miss the d in there)


i hope everyone's day is filled with love and vitality always.
xoxoxo

meeeeep.

photo credits: jeffreybean

17 days:(

"my life has been the poem i would have writ,
but i could not both live and utter it."
henry david thoreau

1. think about it...why is it that every scary movie is about death? why is it that death is what we're most afraid of? it's fear of the unknown.  it's as final as humanity gets.

 

2. as we learn more we're able to make more connections. people who are open minded are just father along. not superior, just ahead. like a 6th grader vs. a 4th grader.

3. mike chang...marry me?

4.

5. [red hot chili peppers].

6. i just love the morning quiet. i think that's the only way i could stand running, oddly enough, is if i did it early in the morning when i could just take in that morning quiet.

7. i am finally a true southern california resident. coachella '12 ticket?

check.

8. these are my dawgz.

9. the other day i stopped my car in the middle of my street on the way out to pick a dandelion and make a wish. it made me smile. i've said it a million times and i'll say it again:

count your blessings and follow the sun.

10.

i'm really a mermaid.

 [photo credz].

wisdom teef.

do my cheeks look chubby to you?

because my family has been laughing at me all day long.

between spaghettios, way too many mashed potatoes and watermelon pinkberry,

the wisdom teeth healing process hasn't been too bad.

time for the really cute ice pack that wraps around my head and reduces the swelling!
speaking of which...

oh ya.

oh, and credits to madeline ann for the hair-do.

vitality.

you know what would be splendid?

a perfect wooden swing on a perfect grassy hillside that i could swing on, facing the perfect view.

no life could be lackluster with a thinking spot like that.

that's not to imply that my life is lackluster.

you know what it is about life that makes it hard to live in the now?

it's that its parts are all too momentary, and we let our moments become separated by emotions.

and while these emotions can be lost, the moment you experienced them never can. i grapple with this only because i cannot constantly live in the present.

next time i play 'never have i ever', i'll have to present:

never have i ever lost a moment.

and no one will have to put his/her finger down. because all of our moments are eternally part of the universe.

and you know what the best part is?

this fact, in itself, strings together the moments with something constant.

 so next time you're hesitating to take a leap, just remember that even if it's just for a moment, your possible victory will forever be a part of history.

...at least i find that comforting.

i'll end this sporadic collection of thoughts with this one:

when the least events are occurring, the most is happening inside you.

in other news, don't these tots look like they were caught in the act of singing 'home' by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes to each other?

 barefoot on a summer night, anyone?

aussi,

once i am out of college and have my own apartment...i will own 2 cats. i haven't decided on the colors yet, but they will be baby brother and sister kittens. the boy will be named tucker and the girl will be lily (so i can call her lily pad).

that is all.

[photo credz].

such is the passage of time.

 may we please just discuss how amazing the movie into the wild is?
i watched it for the first time about a month ago and have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

it was one of the most inspiring films i have ever seen.

when i was trying to pick a movie at the video store, i realized how hit and miss movies these days are.

the money and technology put into cinematography is insane.

not that that can't be amazing to look at, (tron, anyone?) but it really helps you appreciate the beauty in simplicity.

which is really what i got out of into the wild.

whether or not we're truly getting more intelligent (that's all up to opinion), humans are definitely becoming more knowledgeable about the world every day.

chris mccandless had the will to remove himself from everything that that knowledge has created.

he must have gained the most amazing kind of intelligence that none of us could even understand.

the human mind never stops working - it has the ability to work in different ways under different circumstances.
i am currently sitting on a chair in my bedroom looking out the window at the view from my balcony.
(it's too cold to sit outside)
the fact that the mountains and trees around me seem simple in comparison to downtown la is crazy.
because they're the farthest thing from simple.
in a way, everything we've created is an attempt at simplicity.
but i don't have the energy to write about that right now.
till next time.

 

[photo credz].

bubble toes.

well, i clearly have a lack of much to say lately. although i love christmas time more than normal this year, all the pictures have kind of been a cover up for a lack of ideas circulating through my mind. but in the past couple of days, it's like everything i'd been missing for the past month showed up at once and bombarded my mind. and now, i can't stop thinking to save my life. i started reading 'how to be lovely' last night (based on audrey hepburn, by melissa hellstern). i've honestly never cared too much for audrey - i couldn't even get through breakfast at tiffany's and that's about as far into her work as i've gone. but my grandma LOVED ms. hepburn. after she died and we were cleaning out her house, i literally found dozens of audrey hepburn books in her bookshelves. and they were so glamorous looking that i just had to take two. i mean, why not? and so i've finally decided to start my audrey education with 'how to be lovely'. and i must say, she did seem pretty lovely. there are countless quotes in that book talking about just how genuine of a person she was. she was respected by almost everyone she knew, and she stayed fabulous the whole time. i then realized how we all have this perpetual need to be better than we are...to be "lovely". have we ever considered the fact that we're lovely the way we are? and that our differences are what inspire each other to keep being lovely? i don't think that we're ever going to be satisfied with ourselves if we continue to try to be as lovely as audrey hepburn or as fabulous as marilyn monroe (speaking of which, i don't really understand her appeal, but i haven't read any books about her either). because guess what?

none of us are audrey or marilyn.

i think that maybe just maybe it's time to quit it with the self help books and work on becoming humble. it's hard to take a step away from yourself when you're too busy being overwhelmed with everything you're not. take note: the definition of humble is not only modest, but also respectful. and that means respectful to ourselves in loving what we are and being thankful for what we have. true appreciation is an aspect of humbleness that people forget, and a certain austin facer & jacob walters reminded me of it.

so, whatever you're doing today, whether it be studying for finals or just following the sun, don't forget to do it humbly.

zigazig ha.

last week, i went shopping.

now, first of all, i really shouldn't have done that, because i'm currently trying to kick the addiction: now that i'm a poor college student.

and especially since usc decided to give me a parking ticket even though i had a parking pass.

and then ignore my appeal.

but back to my story.

living ten minutes away from manhattan beach shopping is not good news goldfish, let me tell you.

so i walk into a store, and what do i see?

a very appealing pink floyd dark side of the moon shirt.

so here's the problem: i'm not actually what i would call a pink floyd fan.

i mean, i could be, but i only have one of their albums, and it's not dark side of the moon.
(i know how lame that is but i have so much classic rock to catch up on, you need to give me a break)

in other words, if i buy this shirt, i am a fake.

i considered buying it and then immediately going home and downloading the album to listen to nonstop for a couple of days, but that still seemed wrong.

and what if i didn't even like it?

then i'd have to pretend.

the point of this story is: i refuse to be one of those girls who pretends she likes something because it looks cool.

no one should be that girl.

the other point is, if you are a dark side of the moon fan, go buy that shirt and fulfill my dream.

just don't take yourself too seriously.

[photo credz].

hype.

originality.

dictionary.com says it is the ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.

a wikipedia user claims the concept of originality is culturally contigent.

tim hill reveals that ringo starr's "original" compositions often turned out to be subconscious copies of existing songs. (i still love you, ringo)

if you type in original on google, the first result (other than just plain original) that comes up is [original pancake house].

and the writer kahlil gibran believes that should we all confess our sins to one another we would laugh at one another for our lack of...

originality.

no matter where life goes, i never want to succumb to the temptation to create myself, when it's so much more beautiful to take the time to find myself.

on another note...

  (not the best but we tried. it's tradish after all.)

seattle is wonderful, but tacoma was even better this time.
[this] is for you, jac7k.

and los angeles is beautiful from above. seriously observe next time you fly over it.

ALSO, HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO PATRICK WARD.

and lastly,

GO LIONS.

paper butterflies.

hello there.

i've been trying to write a blog post for a while now, but i've had some serious writer's block. now, while i knew what the block was, what i couldn't quite figure out was how to get past it...until last night, that is. a while ago, i recognized that the things i'm too afraid to talk about have the power to misplace the things i'm ready to talk about. have you ever noticed that when there's something you're trying to hide, it's usually the most prominent thing in your mind? maybe it's just me, but i think that's a pretty common symptom. i've learned that a mind is not a very good  [cache] (word of the day). however, what a mind lacks in concealing, it makes up for in revealing (sorry for the rhyme?). one thing that i conveniently neglect sometimes is the fact that my mind belongs to no one but me. no one can take it, even if i want to give it away. and why is this convenient? because if i neglect the fact that i'm the only one in control of my mind, everything doesn't have to be my fault. but the fact is that my mind knows what's up. it's amazing how our bodies can heal themselves when we get a cut. everything happens inside ourselves to make up for the mistakes we made outside. and what i've come to believe is that our minds do the same thing, just with a few different materials and processes. i actually just googled how our bodies heal cuts. go ahead and [find out for yourself] if you want. it's pretty cool. notice how the materials needed to heal ourselves come rushing to the surface all the sudden. maybe my mind's stuck focusing on the few things that aren't okay in my life because those are the things i need to heal. last night i got mad at myself for focusing on these things when there are uncountable things that are better than okay. but that's like being mad at my platelets for plugging my blood vessel (awk, i know). maybe we need to recognize the problems in order to enjoy everything else. or at least to get rid of writer's block.

p.s. it's time for another playlist.

 ☮ love lost - the temper trap {october 23rd, club nokia}

 ☮ dare - gorillaz

 ☮ gold canary - cloud control

 ☮ uprising - muse {they have a concert at staples the day after my birthday...yes please?}

 ☮ heaven in a halfpipe - opm

 ☮ the rabbit - miike snow

 ☮ everytime i look for you - blink-182 {it's a classic}

 ☮ everyone is golden - portugal. the man {after seeing them live twice i figured i should 

 download their albums}

 ☮ angel - jack johnson

 ☮ dance forever - allstar weekend {i'm secretly a little embarrassed to love this...but let's be honest, it's amazing}

 ☮ captains of the sky - sky sailing {summer's back}

 ☮ lotus - cage the elephant

 ☮ little secrets - passion pit

 ☮ kreuzberg - bloc party

 ☮ for the widows in paradise, for the fatherless in ypsilanti - sufjan stevens {merci, jacob}

 ☮ think i'm in love - beck

xo.

monster ballads.

i was inspired to finally write a new post by jenkem lucas walters (jenkem isn’t in the word dictionary…wtf? oh and i seriously need to stop swearing. it’s just never good. okay seriously, do you see how scattered my thoughts are?). he brought up a very good point about his mind being too full to think straight. then, by connecting it to his journal entries from childhood, it reminded me of how frightened i am to continue growing up. and jacob, i am not copying you, this is just vital for my thought process, but i actually decided to go look at my old journals too. the first one i found was my ‘cool girls’ book. it’s actually really cute because it asks you questions instead of just leaving you pages of blank space, which can be very intimidating to a 7 year old. this is the first full entry i filled out (the bold is what was prewritten in the book and the italics are written by my 7 year old self):

cece

today’s date feb 15, monday

today i was feeling: cute, silly, happy, stupid, playful, fabulous, hip, geeky, dazed.

i was feeling kind of: happy.

i looked: silly.

my hair was: ugly.

it was great when: i got this book.

school was: not today

my wish for today: is that mommy coms home tonit

today i had: fun

on a scale from 1-10 my day was: 6

one more thing about today: i dont know

okay, so i would just like to comment on a couple things. number one, i am confused by the fact that it was monday and yet, i claimed school was ‘not today’. i also don’t understand how i didn’t know how to spell comes and tonight…i was seven, not five. but whatever, that’s not the point at all. the point is how simple my mind was. my biggest wish that i could think of was for my mommy to come home from her 3-day trip to boston (this was probably day 1). the highlight of my day was getting my cool girls diary…and i didn’t think that was sad at all. and how on earth could i not think of ONE more interesting think about my day that day? but, at the time, none of these things mattered to me. what was most important was that my daddy would play ‘the chasing game’ with me when we got home. i didn’t even take into account that i probably had no plans for the rest of the week, that there were hundreds of kids dying from aids in africa, that the boy i liked could’ve talked to another girl at recess that day. adults always say to appreciate your innocence while you have it. but, honestly, if you’re so busy appreciating your innocence, how will you get the chance to enjoy it? that’s such stupid advice. i so miss being able to swim in the pool for hours pretending to be a mermaid, messing up my room and not having to clean it up ten minutes (tops) later. the list just goes on and on and i’m not trying to feel sorry for myself, i’m just putting my thoughts down on paper…or computer screen, i guess. i just hate how quickly innocence is taken from you. but back to my original thought…i’m so scared to get older. if it’s already this hard, how will i survive another day? every experience just brings more clutter for my mind, and it is nowhere near as easy to organize as my room. and now i’ve lost my train of thought so, to conclude, i will fill out a current cool girls diary entry: (fyi, the ‘today i was feeling’ and ‘today i had’ sections have a bunch of words that you circle, so i’m not awkwardly coming up with these on my own)

today’s date february 24^th, 2010, wednesday.

today i was feeling: happy, stupid, dazed, jealous, smart, frustrated.

i was feeling kind of: confused.

i looked: like a mom, according to jeff. tight.

my hair was: awkwardly too straight.

it was great when: i got to drive alone for a while.

school was: fine, but it would’ve been better if i’d actually showed up to p.e.

my wish for today: that my dad would come home.

i couldn’t believe it when: i actually wrote a page & a half long blog post.

i cried when: i thought about everything.

today i had: fun, a crush, a special event, a tummy ache, a surprise, a good day.

on a scale from 1-10 my day was: 8

one more thing about today: i honestly wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my friends. i love you.

p.s. josh ritter at his finest:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h-5bPUEzTE