october 27th, 2010.

i love these two:

{alison catherine mccollum - 13 years old}

{paige nicole riley - 18 years old}

HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO YOU BOTH I LOVE YOU!! 

(and of course to dearest Mamy too - we miss and love you!)

down river.

last weekend i...

 spent some quality time with rachie, marina & steven (who happens to be quite the piano player):

 

finally got to see temper trap! they were absolutely amazing live. i want to become a t. trap groupie. i got to share the experience with caroline (who it was LOVELY to see), paige, steven & patrick:

and, on top of it all, i've had some skype dates with my two loves in washington:

{i hope no one's offended by the bras...they are over the clothes, after all}

xoxo.

où est la bibliothèque?

"somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

~dr. carl sagan~

p.s. t trap + sleepover with caroline this weekend...what else could i ask for?!
[new favorite]

[photo credz].

dorm.

i've finally decided to upload some dorm pictures. it's a work in progress but this is how it looks so far:

 

there it is! i know it's lacking in red, but like i said, it's only a work in progress.

and i have TWO songs to leave you with today:

[outside villanova]

&

[set yourself on fire]

the unpublished.

in the process of putting off my philosophy paper, i just stumbled across my list of posts.

and as i scanned the now FIFTY-ONE post long list (oh yes - official blogger status maybe?),

i noticed how many drafts were a part of it.

and after contemplating why they never got published, i realized that no true blogger leaves posts unpublished.

so, i've decided to publish all my hidden thought of the past.

here are follow the sun's deleted scenes:

 _______________________________________________________________________ 


{s. - originally written june 24th, 2010}

thirteen simple s's that are brightening my life this summer...

sandals

spk

sudoku

sparkles

sunbathing

sunscreen (or as my father would call it, slime)

sleep schedules

scattergories

snow cones

sonic

the shins

smiles

simplicity

...did you ever realize how many good things start with an s?

but, one more thing that doesn't start with an s...FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE.

it's harder than you think.


 _______________________________________________________________________

{no title - originally written july 4th, 2010}

life happens whether you like it or not. i didn't like it for a while. i wasn't ready for life to happen. but it happened anyway, because that's one thing that life guarantees you - it never fails to keep moving. about 2 and a half years ago now, my grandma died. i sat in my house for 2 weeks of spring break while my mom was in and out of the hospital visiting her mom. i was so sad. it wasn't what you would call a tragedy, because my grandma had come of age, and she died pretty peacefully from what i understand. but something happened in those 2 weeks that i've never been able to understand. i must have forgotten whatever happened to me because life wouldn't stop moving for me. i didn't have enough time to pay attention. somehow, i ended up graduating from a different school with a new personality, heading off to lmu. i've watched myself and others suffer more in these past 2 years than i would've ever imagined possible. and just now, sitting in room watching the oc, something made me realize that i've only made a handful of good decisions in the past 2 years. i forgot how to do things that i don't want to do. i've put myself through so much pain for so long, because i forgot how to place my needs over my wants. i'm only me half the time, because the other half of the time, i'm too busy avoiding the inevitable. but i'm starting a new life in 1 month. i don't know if i'm ready. but i've learned that i can't fight the future. all we have is now. now it's time to be brave. it's time to move on from who i turned myself into. but these words mean nothing if i don't start now.

living is easy with eyes closed.

maybe my eyes opened when life was moving too fast for me to notice. so life's no longer easy. does that mean i can't do it? never. i can do anything.

 _______________________________________________________________________ 

{no title - also originally written july 14th, 2010}

i've tried to write a blog post way too many time since my last one. i know i can't post another fun post until i clean out all the intense things i have on my mind. i'm starting an almost completely new life on august 26th, 2010. i'm heading off to loyola marymount university to study psychology and hopefully become a teacher someday. but today, my mom came in and asked me what makes me think i'm ready to start this new life. and i realized, i don't know. i don't know if i am ready. because i still don't know how to put what i need over what i want. i used to love to read, i used to love the feeling of finishing an essay, i used to wish for things i wanted. but i don't really have time to wish anymore. i'm too busy making what i want happen. but in the meantime, i'm also too busy to make what i need happen. this summer's the first time in 2 years that i've actually had time to stop and think. life took so many turns since the middle of sophomore year, that i got too behind to keep up. but i'm finally catching up to what's happening now. and i'm realizing that all the mistakes i've made can be left behind if i want. i have the chance to prove to myself that i can do what i need to do. i have that chance, and i'm worried i'm going to waste it. i don't have enough trust in myself anymore to know that i'll use the opportunity to its fullest. but i decided i'd write it down.

 _______________________________________________________________________ 

{i have a new obsession - originally written july 15th, 2010}

it's called reading.

 _______________________________________________________________________


{no title - originally written august 25th, 2010}

la cañada is officially no longer my home.

my room's packed up, but strangely not that empty.

the past 2 days have just felt like a countdown.

 _______________________________________________________________________

{plane - originally written september 15th, 2010}

i haven't posted for like a solid 2 weeks and i apologize. however, this is all you're going to get for now:

 [photo credz].

i promise my blog isn't becoming some weird one with an abnormal number of pictures of cute animals, but this picture makes me happy. my birthday's in about 1 week by the way.

maybe someone from faraway can send me a bunny in the mail.

just kidding.

p.s.

miss you pancakes. we'll have a thanksgiving photo shoot together.

p.p.s.

i have a new system for naming my posts. i go to my itunes library and close my eyes and click somewhere random. and the title of the song becomes the title of the post.

P.P.P.S.

I FOUND THE COOLEST BECK POSTER ON EBAY FOR MY DORM.

it is currently residing in australia but i'm hoping in will be mine in a week.

please don't outbid me anyone.

 _______________________________________________________________________

{untitled - originally written september 17th, 2010}

I think it's about time I updated my blog. I don't feel like the same person I was less than a month ago...even though I totally am the same person. College actually hasn't done too much to my character so far, to my surprise. However, it has done a lot to my personality these days.

 ________________________________________________________________

so here we are.

 now, it's october 19th, 2010 and i'm starting all over.

no more drafts hiding out in my account.

some of those were actually more personal than i'd originally expected.

but i changed nothing and left out nothing.

thanks for reading.

love always,

cecilia

p.s. i just found this online...cecilia may be spelled wrong, but otherwise, how perfect is that?

p.p.s. good luck to me dear lover kate this week with her work.
you will be perfect, kate, don't you worry.

[photo credz].

hype.

originality.

dictionary.com says it is the ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.

a wikipedia user claims the concept of originality is culturally contigent.

tim hill reveals that ringo starr's "original" compositions often turned out to be subconscious copies of existing songs. (i still love you, ringo)

if you type in original on google, the first result (other than just plain original) that comes up is [original pancake house].

and the writer kahlil gibran believes that should we all confess our sins to one another we would laugh at one another for our lack of...

originality.

no matter where life goes, i never want to succumb to the temptation to create myself, when it's so much more beautiful to take the time to find myself.

on another note...

  (not the best but we tried. it's tradish after all.)

seattle is wonderful, but tacoma was even better this time.
[this] is for you, jac7k.

and los angeles is beautiful from above. seriously observe next time you fly over it.

ALSO, HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO PATRICK WARD.

and lastly,

GO LIONS.

reading to kids.

every tuesday and thursday at lmu, the school holds something called convo.

volunteer organizations, leadership opportunities, school events, etc., set up tables towards the center of the school, and it's kind of what you do here on tuesdays and thursdays between the hours of 12 & 2.

a couple of weeks ago, i put my name on the email list for an organization called

[reading to kids].

  i then signed up for the october club and on this past saturday, woke up at

8am

(if you know me, you know this is a big deal)

and read to cute little kids. it was such a lovely way to start my morning.

i included the link because anyone in the l.a. area who's over 18 is invited to volunteer. it wasn't a huge commitment - just a couple hours - and there are about a dozen schools that the clubs take place at so there are a lot of location options.
also, i love the rain.
you better rain for me, seattle!
sorry i haven't blogged in forever.
here's a little [happiness] for you.

p.s.

catch it.

[photo credz].

i enjoy this.

 

[photo credz].

don't you evah.

it's about time for a new post.

sorry for the serious delay my lovely readers, but college is a busy place.

i have tried to start a blog post way too many times but i can tell this will be the one.

i wish i had some insightful ideas for you today, but it's 4:57am and i don't have the capacity for philosophy right now.
instead, i'll just give you a couple thoughts:

 1. two door cinema club. GO LOOK THEM UP. i am currently obsessed because they are nothing less than perfection. [something good can work].

2. i found a perfect wedding site for anyone who enjoys stalking other peoples' memories (aka most women, lbh): [greenweddingshoes.com]. who else is down to get married?

3. i am now in college classes, believe it or not, and i happen to be learning some things. the other day, my english professor was explaining the rhetorical situation and how you have to consider who an author's targeting as his/her main audience. i immediately thought of this blog and i realized why i have so much trouble knowing what to write in it sometimes. because i'm putting things out there that literally anyone in the world can read. my target audience is...the world? that's quite a bit of responsibility to take on.

4. i am visiting seattle next month. that is all.

 

yes please.

5. here are some pictures from my life here at lmu. i have a lovely roommate and some wonderful friends already:

first event = GLOW:

 

keepin it classy on top of the lmu sign:

 

AFTER SUNSET (best night):

 

roomies:

 

we love dem engineers:

 

 i managed to lose my onecard (aka my life) for a solid 2 hours at a dance with hundreds of people and then found it. it was a small miracle and basically made my night...possibly even the entire weekend:

 

then came the spontaneous ucla game:

 

note how wonderfully spirited i was (don't worry, i only went this far on the car ride over):

 

so those are the highlights of my college experience so far. more to come i'm sure.

in other news...I TURN 18 ON WEDNESDAY. it's about time.

and i get to see my love paige riley on thursday.

and my loves jacob, samuel & brenty on saturday.

you know it's your birthday when even panera gives you a present.

xoxo.

also, thank you to my dear mother & father for putting up with my many car struggles. oopsies.

 

[we live but for a moment]

-marcus aurelius

cloud country.

i'm sitting in my dorm right now, listening to beck. free as a bird. my roommate asleep just feet away from me. but i feel more lonely than anything else. i feel like i haven't gotten to be myself for the past 4 days of my life, and i'm so tired. i miss who i am...i'm sick of trying to make myself likable for other people. i haven't been lying or anything. it's just that i've been hiding all the parts of me that i'm scared won't be accepted. as the wise rasheed akbarut once said...all us frehsmen college students are homeless right now. there really is nowhere that i could go right now that would feel like home. and that's a terrifying feeling. it's so lonely. everyone i love is everywhere but with me. i don't have anyone to trust in this new place yet. but, fortunately, i'm not too worried.  because i literally experienced almost all of these feelings about a year and a half ago when i switched high schools. the only difference is that back then, i could escape my feelings by staying home and avoiding school. but i can't do that here. i don't have a home quite yet. all i have is a dorm room and a lot of new people around it who will help it become my home. i know that i'll be okay. in a little while, there will be people here that i love. they're already here, actually, the love just hasn't arrived quite yet.

i think the package will come soon enough.

[goodnight for now]

♥

 p.s.

[photo credz].

custom concern.

today was a good day. things are kind of lonely here in lc with half my friends gone, but i made the most of it nonetheless. i really should be writing in kate's yearbook right now, but i'm procrastinating because i don't feel like crying. in my lineup of good friends moving away, i'm next after kate. so when kate leaves for washington tomorrow it means i'm leaving for westchester in 4 days (not exactly as much of a journey...but still a bd). but like i said, today was a good day. i woke up at about 1pm, which is kind of how it goes these days. kind of embarrassing but i did stay up till 7am, so that could have to do with it. then i went to lunch with princemitchy at islands. probably my last islands lunch for a while, and it was lovely catching up with that boy. then i went straight to descanso gardens with jacob lucas walters. now, what you have to understand is that you're like a celebrity if you go to descanso with jacob. he has a membership and everything. HOWEVER, he has never gone to descanso gardens camp, and guess who has? that's right. cece has. so as we're walking around, i stumble upon a special spot. it was the room where the camp held its singing classes. and as we walked by, i all the sudden remembered how that was where i discovered my love for singing. in fact, i think it's where i performed my only solo so far in my life. that's also kind of embarrassing, but oh well. it's not my fault that singing alone on stage is not one of my favorite pastimes. about halfway through camp, we got to audition for solos in the songs we'd been practicing. and you know how there's always that one solo everyone wants? well, for some reason, i decided to be brave enough to try out for it. the song was called 'one song'. after much preparation, singing for my parents out by the pool, making sure i looked good for the big audition, and whatever else went down...i got the solo. i was so happy. i had really accomplished what i wanted. who even knows how it actually turned out. i don't remember anything disastrous happening, but that's not really the point of this story. the point is that, at age 9, or however many years old i was, i was brave enough to go for what i wanted. and now that i'm about almost double as old as i was then, i've done nothing but backtracked. i didn't do one solo all year long, even though i was in choir the whole time (aside from one 10 word solo in irreplaceable, which i decide to ignore since i was flat every time, and it was just embarrassing). and i'm so disappointed in myself. i know i'm not amazing, but i don't necessarily have to be amazing. i just want to prove to myself and whoever else wants to listen that i can do it well. i got into choir, after all. i just never made the effort to get past the choir. that doesn't take away from the fact that chamber was one of the most amazing experience of my life, so far. but it could've made me better as an individual. so, all i have to say is life goal: perform a solo on a stage for more than 5 people i don't know. and i've also decided i want to minor in music, i think. so, that was my biggest thought process of the day (at least that i can remember). the next biggest thought process will be saying goodbye to kate, which i'm putting off like crazy. i also got to see my honorary little bro, mr. sammy blassucci, and the roads perform at the book store. that was very enjoyable. i would post a link if i had one, but i unfortunately don't. my personal favorite moment was when they played follow the sun by the beatles, of course. it made me realize how much i want to learn to play guitar. another life goal. then i scootered down foothill with some lovely people. and now i'm sitting in my room, listening to beck...still needing to write in kate's yearbook.

 [i'm thinking it's time].

college is way too bittersweet.

p.s. you're not cool anymore unless your wrist looks like THIS:
(jk...but you really should go buy yourself some silly bands if you don't have one)