every day's a new day.

i can't sleep.

i got in bed at about 2 and turned on my ipod.

first, i listened to [this] and had a dance party in my head because i was in such a good mood. i was feeling really excited about college and happy about life. and then, somehow, i ended up listening to [this]. and about 20 seconds in, i burst into tears. people are leaving. things are ending in less than 2 months. the way i've lived for 17 years is completely changing. it's really not about starting a new life or going to college that was making me cry. i know how to do that. i just started over only a little over a year ago, so i know what's up. and i know it will be fine. but i also know that, no matter how much you love someone, a lot of the time your relationship kind of withers once your settings change. i looked through my phone contacts today and so many of them were sacred heart girls. and i realized that i probably hadn't used any of their numbers for months, if it was even that recently. and these girls all used to be my good friends. i still love them, but my setting changed, and our relationship just faded away. this is what's going to happen next year, all over again. i was crying because of the people who are going to leave me. then, i took a breath to turn on [this]. the chords in the beginning of this song somehow make me smile every time. i thought about la canada. hawaii last year. chamber retreat. kalinda. my friends' families. foothill. pcy. swinging. st. bede's. capture the flag in the sport chalet parking lot. descanso at night. fugitive. oakwood. and i eventually, i turned on [this]. typical? of course. but finally, i thought about tomorrow. just tomorrow. not the day after tomorrow. not graduation. not summer. not college. but only tomorrow. tomorrow has so much potential. if i start tomorrow happy, it'll be a good day. think about tomorrow, and tomorrow only. maybe you'll see things more clearly.

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

there's never going to be enough time. so the only thing you can do is spend as many minutes possible of yours being happy. WHY be sad? nothing can be done. so be happy. because maybe it's all going to end in august. but that means that i have the next 3 months to make the most of.