25 April 2010

sighing just a little bit.

dearest world,

life is hard. in case you hadn't already figured that out yourself. today, all i want to say is this:

"every great dream begins with a dreamer. always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

harriet tubman

we might all want to change the world (thank you, beatles), but that doesn't take away from the fact that we all have the power to change the world. and i forget that every single day. i never fail to forget that i can do whatever i want. learning to trust yourself is the most important thing you can learn, truly. because if you lose faith in yourself, you lose faith in the world...and that just leaves you feeling empty. starting a new life is scary. so many people are excited for college, and that's great. but a lot of people aren't there yet, and for those of us who've fallen behind, we're a little more scared than excited. unavoidable change like that can be really scary if you don't feel ready. and you can't force yourself to feel ready for anything. we'll just have to take it one day at a time.

unfortunately, itunes won't open for me right now, so i'm not really on top of my music...so i don't have any music to leave you with today.

love always,


14 April 2010

15 songs...

...that i'm obsessively listening to these days:

1. the golden age - beck

2. here (in your arms) - hellogoodbye {i know this is from forever ago...but it is still so good and i rediscovered it thanks to princemitchy}

3. lonelily - damien rice {reminds me of weddings for some reason?}

4. happy yellow bumblebee - of montreal

5. lisztomania - phoenix

6. the ghost inside - broken bells

7. better life - keith urban {i don't usually like country very much, but this song is too happy to ignore}

8. other side - josh ritter {just bought his golden age of radio album}

9. sexx laws - beck {i just have a newfound obsession with beck}

10. say hey (i love you) - michael franti & spearhead {this was in the movie valentine's day...i need it to come out on dvd now, please}

11. electric twist - a fine frenzy

12. one foot boy - mika {mika is AMAZING. end of story}

13. animal - miike snow {this is just for kate. FULL credit to her for finding this song!}

14. michelle - beatles {i needed to throw some beatles in here somewhere}

15. fader - temper trap

12 April 2010

seth mountain.

the other day, jeff called me at about 10am (and i had just woken up...eh) and asked me to go on a hike with him and jacob. i secretly didn't want to because it was really hot and i was lazy, but i decided that it would be good for me, and i wanted to see jeff & jacob. so we hiked...

...with weapons. and yes, my rope counts as a weapon. jeff had a saw which, unfortunately, didn't make it into the picture.

this was a legit hike. i even got battle wounds climbing up.

view from the top:


and finally, our bouquets (jeff's won...and just ignore my man hand):

and in the end, i was very glad i chose to go. i'm kind of realizing that i only have the chance to do these things whenever i want for the next 4 months...i'll miss you, lc.


11 April 2010

live without thinking the world is staring at you.

"it's like admitting you ate the cookie in the cookie jar but trying to make it cute so that you dont get in trouble. like an 'aw shucks' smile":

woody buck

"italian tomato and basil: 11.29. parking for one hour underneath cpk: 5:00. lolcats, lolbears, lollerskates, naw brah: priceless. there are some things money can buy, but for everything else there's a reunion."
rishi menon

"nahhh cece you're my homedroid."
jack gilbert

"hahaha jk i love you chichi. especially when i am mean to you. it makes my heart feel good."
jeff facer

"you look like you were attacked by a panther."
kate van amringe

"i made like 5 friends already.....they're all lizards."
maddy mccollum

i just thought i'd share a little bit of what makes my life bright every day.
i love you friends.

and SPEAKING OF LOVE, i have been thinking about it lately.

how can you know when you really love someone? how do i know that when i tell someone i love him or her, that i'm not lying? and this is just platonic love...i haven't even really begun to concern myself with 'in love' love. that's so foreign to me that i've decided not to even worry about it until it becomes part of my own experience. this reminds me that i really just want to interview people. i want to ask teenagers in love to describe it to me, versus adults who have had a marriage last, ones who have fallen out of love, experienced unrequited love, etc. i also want to ask an old person how it feels to have most of your life over...but first, i'll need to figure out a way to phrase the question more kindly.

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence."
Eric Fromm

(kate and i found this picture last night...we're obsessed, so i thought i'd share)

oh, and i love paige riley.

05 April 2010

one day, i discovered i was a banana.

J'aime mes bananes.

04 April 2010

listen to the music of the moment.

i cried last night. i cried for the first time in a week and, embarrassingly enough, that’s a long time for me. there’s this thing about crying. everyone thinks it’s a sad thing, when really, crying is the best escape i can think of. when you start crying, there’s something there that’s making you feel sad or sentimental. but when you stop crying, there’s a reason there too. there’s this huge sense of relief when you finally realize that there’s no reason to cry anymore. catharsis- it’s kind of the only way i know how to clean my mind out. and, trust me, my mind needs a lot of cleaning (or more organization, i guess). sometimes, all you can do is cry. you can’t take on the world, because you have to take on yourself first (™ jack g.). the thing is, you are your world. the world doesn’t revolve around one person, right? but our lives are our own. the only thing that will, no matter what, always stay constant in your life is you. so finding oneself might as well be taking on the world. right now, the only thing i know to do is live for now. if i’m happy, i’m happy, not worried that tomorrow i’ll be sad. if there’s a goal i’m trying to accomplish, i’m working on that goal, not thinking about all the other ones i can’t be working on. when i was little, i would cry because my friend was being mean to me. now, when i cry, it’s because i’ve lost trust in the world, because i can’t understand what some of my friends are going through, because i don’t know how to control my own life. it’s never going to be simple again. but sometimes, all you can do is cry. learn who you are and learn to understand.

“i shall pass through this world but once.  any good, therefore, that i can do or any kindness that i can show to any human being let me do it now.  let me not defer or neglect it, for i shall not pass this way again.”
jerry lewis

03 April 2010

paint the silence.

you know something terrible i realized yesterday? i'm afraid of being happy. and, because of this, i have spent the past 2 years of my life spending happy times feeling scared, and sad times feeling sad, which might not even be any worse than scared. i waste all my happy being scared! scared of being sad. at a certain point, you have to stop preparing yourself  and start enjoying yourself. like that better safe than sorry saying? maybe not always true. there are certain situations when it is true. like putting on your seat belt in a car, for example. always do that. but i would just like to warn everyone that maybe you're not always better safe than sorry. one way to enjoy your life is to be sorry sometimes, and spend the rest of the time living for the moment. and hopefully, that'll make happier moments even happier.


picture time (i'll just put up a few because they're all on facebook anyway):

pre-dance hur:

the group:

woody, my love:

and finally, i have a picture that goes with my 9 observations post from forever ago. for the miracle one:

today, i realized that in the process of finding who i am for the past year, i've also lost a lot of who i am too. and i think that i've lost a lot of the more meaningful parts. so i'm going to be working on being a better person in the time to come. maybe we all should. why not, after all?

but for now,
goodnight moon.


i couldn't find it on youtube, except for in a video of ryan and marissa making out (and i thought that would be awkward), but 'paint the silence' by south is my current favorite song. look it up.