follow the sun.: the unpublished.

in the process of putting off my philosophy paper, i just stumbled across my list of posts.

and as i scanned the now FIFTY-ONE post long list (oh yes - official blogger status maybe?),

i noticed how many drafts were a part of it.

and after contemplating why they never got published, i realized that no true blogger leaves posts unpublished.

so, i've decided to publish all my hidden thought of the past.

here are follow the sun's deleted scenes:

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{s. - originally written june 24th, 2010}

thirteen simple s's that are brightening my life this summer...

sandals

spk

sudoku

sparkles

sunbathing

sunscreen (or as my father would call it, slime)

sleep schedules

scattergories

snow cones

sonic

the shins

smiles

simplicity

...did you ever realize how many good things start with an s?

but, one more thing that doesn't start with an s...FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE.

it's harder than you think.

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{no title - originally written july 4th, 2010}

life happens whether you like it or not. i didn't like it for a while. i wasn't ready for life to happen. but it happened anyway, because that's one thing that life guarantees you - it never fails to keep moving. about 2 and a half years ago now, my grandma died. i sat in my house for 2 weeks of spring break while my mom was in and out of the hospital visiting her mom. i was so sad. it wasn't what you would call a tragedy, because my grandma had come of age, and she died pretty peacefully from what i understand. but something happened in those 2 weeks that i've never been able to understand. i must have forgotten whatever happened to me because life wouldn't stop moving for me. i didn't have enough time to pay attention. somehow, i ended up graduating from a different school with a new personality, heading off to lmu. i've watched myself and others suffer more in these past 2 years than i would've ever imagined possible. and just now, sitting in room watching the oc, something made me realize that i've only made a handful of good decisions in the past 2 years. i forgot how to do things that i don't want to do. i've put myself through so much pain for so long, because i forgot how to place my needs over my wants. i'm only me half the time, because the other half of the time, i'm too busy avoiding the inevitable. but i'm starting a new life in 1 month. i don't know if i'm ready. but i've learned that i can't fight the future. all we have is now. now it's time to be brave. it's time to move on from who i turned myself into. but these words mean nothing if i don't start now.

living is easy with eyes closed.

maybe my eyes opened when life was moving too fast for me to notice. so life's no longer easy. does that mean i can't do it? never. i can do anything.

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{no title - also originally written july 14th, 2010}

i've tried to write a blog post way too many time since my last one. i know i can't post another fun post until i clean out all the intense things i have on my mind. i'm starting an almost completely new life on august 26th, 2010. i'm heading off to loyola marymount university to study psychology and hopefully become a teacher someday. but today, my mom came in and asked me what makes me think i'm ready to start this new life. and i realized, i don't know. i don't know if i am ready. because i still don't know how to put what i need over what i want. i used to love to read, i used to love the feeling of finishing an essay, i used to wish for things i wanted. but i don't really have time to wish anymore. i'm too busy making what i want happen. but in the meantime, i'm also too busy to make what i need happen. this summer's the first time in 2 years that i've actually had time to stop and think. life took so many turns since the middle of sophomore year, that i got too behind to keep up. but i'm finally catching up to what's happening now. and i'm realizing that all the mistakes i've made can be left behind if i want. i have the chance to prove to myself that i can do what i need to do. i have that chance, and i'm worried i'm going to waste it. i don't have enough trust in myself anymore to know that i'll use the opportunity to its fullest. but i decided i'd write it down.

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{i have a new obsession - originally written july 15th, 2010}

it's called reading.

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{no title - originally written august 25th, 2010}

la cañada is officially no longer my home.

my room's packed up, but strangely not that empty.

the past 2 days have just felt like a countdown.

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{plane - originally written september 15th, 2010}

i haven't posted for like a solid 2 weeks and i apologize. however, this is all you're going to get for now:

[photo credz].

i promise my blog isn't becoming some weird one with an abnormal number of pictures of cute animals, but this picture makes me happy. my birthday's in about 1 week by the way.

maybe someone from faraway can send me a bunny in the mail.

just kidding.

p.s.

miss you pancakes. we'll have a thanksgiving photo shoot together.

p.p.s.

i have a new system for naming my posts. i go to my itunes library and close my eyes and click somewhere random. and the title of the song becomes the title of the post.

P.P.P.S.

I FOUND THE COOLEST BECK POSTER ON EBAY FOR MY DORM.

it is currently residing in australia but i'm hoping in will be mine in a week.

please don't outbid me anyone.

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{untitled - originally written september 17th, 2010}

I think it's about time I updated my blog. I don't feel like the same person I was less than a month ago...even though I totally am the same person. College actually hasn't done too much to my character so far, to my surprise. However, it has done a lot to my personality these days.

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so here we are.

now, it's october 19th, 2010 and i'm starting all over.

no more drafts hiding out in my account.

some of those were actually more personal than i'd originally expected.

but i changed nothing and left out nothing.

thanks for reading.

love always,

cecilia

p.s. i just found this online...cecilia may be spelled wrong, but otherwise, how perfect is that?