you don't look a day over perfection.

today has been one of those days that gets me thinking about the future. there was so much talk about college and it's all just so complicated to think about. when i get overwhelmed, i have a few different outlets. i used to write a lot about my feelings and everything i'm going though, but that was back when i at least understood what i was going through. so now, instead of writing, i usually look back to my old writing. or, of course, there's always sleeping or watching a movie. i have this comfort in watching movies over and over. sometimes, i'll just turn on a certain part of a movie i've seen a hundred times right before i go to bed and watch for 5 minutes. i really don't understand it. but anyway, i went back and read this poem i wrote forever ago:


it has to come to an end.
     this journey, this intersection, this achievement. it could not continue forever.
it must have finally finished someday, but not now!
     i have grown through myself; through others...i have gained knowledge,
memories, friends and guidance...
     my slowly growing heart beats with a little more love - the love which friendship
has granted me.
     friendship, with its kindness, its hilarious drama, its admirability, its generosity
and originality.
     these qualities, and those to whom they belong, will linger in my heart
forever.


i have absolutely no idea what this was originally written about, but it totally reminded me of graduation. it's not exactly the best writing i've ever done, but the message is pretty clear. it's about moving on and how each step of the way shapes your heart a little. i don't even have any idea where i want to go to college anymore. i really wanted to go to byu. then i didn't get in. so then i didn't want to go to byu anymore. and now, all the sudden, my application is 'reevaluated' and i'm in. and i just don't know what to do anymore. everyone has this one specific school that they want to go to. but i just have no idea. i don't know how i'll figure it out, either. i just have to hope i'll end up where i'm meant to be.


let's hope.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22DTUqjspcQ


p.s. sorry this is like an hour and a half late. i'm trying.
<3