cloud country.

i'm sitting in my dorm right now, listening to beck. free as a bird. my roommate asleep just feet away from me. but i feel more lonely than anything else. i feel like i haven't gotten to be myself for the past 4 days of my life, and i'm so tired. i miss who i am...i'm sick of trying to make myself likable for other people. i haven't been lying or anything. it's just that i've been hiding all the parts of me that i'm scared won't be accepted. as the wise rasheed akbarut once said...all us frehsmen college students are homeless right now. there really is nowhere that i could go right now that would feel like home. and that's a terrifying feeling. it's so lonely. everyone i love is everywhere but with me. i don't have anyone to trust in this new place yet. but, fortunately, i'm not too worried.  because i literally experienced almost all of these feelings about a year and a half ago when i switched high schools. the only difference is that back then, i could escape my feelings by staying home and avoiding school. but i can't do that here. i don't have a home quite yet. all i have is a dorm room and a lot of new people around it who will help it become my home. i know that i'll be okay. in a little while, there will be people here that i love. they're already here, actually, the love just hasn't arrived quite yet.

i think the package will come soon enough.

[goodnight for now]

♥

 p.s.

[photo credz].