custom concern.

today was a good day. things are kind of lonely here in lc with half my friends gone, but i made the most of it nonetheless. i really should be writing in kate's yearbook right now, but i'm procrastinating because i don't feel like crying. in my lineup of good friends moving away, i'm next after kate. so when kate leaves for washington tomorrow it means i'm leaving for westchester in 4 days (not exactly as much of a journey...but still a bd). but like i said, today was a good day. i woke up at about 1pm, which is kind of how it goes these days. kind of embarrassing but i did stay up till 7am, so that could have to do with it. then i went to lunch with princemitchy at islands. probably my last islands lunch for a while, and it was lovely catching up with that boy. then i went straight to descanso gardens with jacob lucas walters. now, what you have to understand is that you're like a celebrity if you go to descanso with jacob. he has a membership and everything. HOWEVER, he has never gone to descanso gardens camp, and guess who has? that's right. cece has. so as we're walking around, i stumble upon a special spot. it was the room where the camp held its singing classes. and as we walked by, i all the sudden remembered how that was where i discovered my love for singing. in fact, i think it's where i performed my only solo so far in my life. that's also kind of embarrassing, but oh well. it's not my fault that singing alone on stage is not one of my favorite pastimes. about halfway through camp, we got to audition for solos in the songs we'd been practicing. and you know how there's always that one solo everyone wants? well, for some reason, i decided to be brave enough to try out for it. the song was called 'one song'. after much preparation, singing for my parents out by the pool, making sure i looked good for the big audition, and whatever else went down...i got the solo. i was so happy. i had really accomplished what i wanted. who even knows how it actually turned out. i don't remember anything disastrous happening, but that's not really the point of this story. the point is that, at age 9, or however many years old i was, i was brave enough to go for what i wanted. and now that i'm about almost double as old as i was then, i've done nothing but backtracked. i didn't do one solo all year long, even though i was in choir the whole time (aside from one 10 word solo in irreplaceable, which i decide to ignore since i was flat every time, and it was just embarrassing). and i'm so disappointed in myself. i know i'm not amazing, but i don't necessarily have to be amazing. i just want to prove to myself and whoever else wants to listen that i can do it well. i got into choir, after all. i just never made the effort to get past the choir. that doesn't take away from the fact that chamber was one of the most amazing experience of my life, so far. but it could've made me better as an individual. so, all i have to say is life goal: perform a solo on a stage for more than 5 people i don't know. and i've also decided i want to minor in music, i think. so, that was my biggest thought process of the day (at least that i can remember). the next biggest thought process will be saying goodbye to kate, which i'm putting off like crazy. i also got to see my honorary little bro, mr. sammy blassucci, and the roads perform at the book store. that was very enjoyable. i would post a link if i had one, but i unfortunately don't. my personal favorite moment was when they played follow the sun by the beatles, of course. it made me realize how much i want to learn to play guitar. another life goal. then i scootered down foothill with some lovely people. and now i'm sitting in my room, listening to beck...still needing to write in kate's yearbook.

 [i'm thinking it's time].

college is way too bittersweet.

p.s. you're not cool anymore unless your wrist looks like THIS:
(jk...but you really should go buy yourself some silly bands if you don't have one)